Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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