If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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