My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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