how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
