she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize
