Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
