Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
