you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
