So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
