The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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