dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
