Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
