I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
