Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I did not marry a roomba.
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