Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
