She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
