I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
