haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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