does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
