we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
