Sober January is a disaster.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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