He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
