I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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