Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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