I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
