I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My feet surprised me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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