So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
