Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
