You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
