I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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