my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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