I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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