I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
