where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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