How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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