its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
