i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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