I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
