While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
