Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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