All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
