Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
