Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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