At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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