I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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