So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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