Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
