I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
