I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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