so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
