i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
