his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
