My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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